Introducing — the new American Apparel models!

So — yeah. We got package #1 in the mail today from the Artifical Duck Co. store.

(The adult small is a bit loose on him. My shirt? Not quite so much…)

Just a few quick things on my mind:

* Have you sent in your submission to the “Shiny Stakeout” contest? You still have time! The deadline has been extended to Friday, May 16 at 11:59pm EDT. Winner gets a mini-kite and a poem recited by yours truly on video! And all you need to do is identify some pictures. Can’t be too difficult, right? So what are you waiting for? Go here…

* Apparently I’m Kind of a Big Deal… Or so says a wonderful blogger and new friend Hilly of Snackie’s World. Look what honor was bestowed upon me!

Yes! I’m the Blogger of the Month! My first award for my latest incarnation on the web! Thank you to Ms. Snackie herself and for all those who have sung my praises over there — as well as you new folks who are visiting and haven’t made fun of me for crying on camera.

* My hair has advanced to the next stage: I have not officially measured it, but I’m estimating that I’m somewhere between 7 to 8 inches. (Yes, yes. Jokes at my expense are encouraged, you sick assholes!) Locks of Love requires a minimum of ten inches, and I think I’ll be on track to get it all taken off in November. I’m actually quite excited about this! And yes — when the big day happens, I’ll take lots of before and after photos.

Anyway — until this week I was in the weird stage of being able to have my hair tied back in a ponytail, but it wasn’t long enough to really look like a ponytail. It looked more like the MC Hammer rat-tail (Stop! Hammertail…) that he had in the early 90s. But today was the day I felt comfortable enough that, yes, the hair was long enough for me to wear it to work in a ponytail.

Many Steven Seagal jokes were made at my expense. Thanks, work people!

* ABC has released its promo trailer for the American version of “Life on Mars.” This was one of my favorite BBC shows of the past two years. It starred John Simm as Sam Tyler, a police detective in Manchester, England who gets hit by a car and wakes up as a police detective in 1973. The American version is set in L.A., and the only redeeming quality I can determine so far is that Colm Meaney (Miles O’Brien on Star Treks TNG and DS9 and the Elvis-loving dad in The Commitments) co-stars as the rowdy head of the precinct.

EW Popwatch has a great post on this. Worth a read if you like that sort of stuff.

* I’ve never really been a gamer, but I’ve played a bit of Grand Theft Auto: III here and there several years back. And now? One of the rituals my son and I share in playing Cars: Mater-National on the computer. And I’m we’re getting pretty good at it. I mean, keep in mind that he does all of the accelerating and boostingm and I’m in charge of steering, powersliding and going in reverse. But still — fun game. I can see how people can do this for hours at a time…

* Happy birthday, Papa Shiny! My Dad turned 64 on Tuesday. We made him a video and everything. And I even called him up so we could all wish him a happy birthday on the phone!

His birthday present for himself: when called, I caught him and his girlfriend in the middle of doing the paperwork with their realtor (the mom of a high school friend of mine) as they made an offer on a condo. Before they’ve sold their own respective houses. Wow. A lot to process…

* I don’t get nearly as many email forwards anymore. Is it because people are getting smarter? More skeptical? Checking Snopes before forwarding? Is it because I have fewer friends? Or is it because I’m the pompous ass of the group who replies to all with the link to Snopes? I wonder…

I’ve been playing with Utterz. And providing free Hebrew lessons! Have a listen:

1. “Present!”

2. Crowded Place

That’s all for now — Av wants to sneak in one more Cars game before bedtime, and — well, today were his pre-school graduation pictures. I’m feeling generous…

“List on the 3s” is my feature which occurs on dates which contain the number 3, such as, for instance, May 13. They occur just about every ten days except for when they don’t. Like May 30, May 31 and June 3. That’s going to be tricky. But that’s, like, weeks away! We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

But first — some unfinished business about my Shiny Stakeout: Identify Those Header Pictures Contest:

The deadline was today. And, thus far, one person has entered. One. And this is even after I mentioned that I’m offering a prize of a brand-spankin’ new pocket-kite! That’s just sad. And I’m really internalizing this sense of failure I feel that nobody else wants to play. I mean, it’s a game! Games are fun, right? And with the direction that oil prices are taking, I have a strong suspicion that mini-kites will be one of the more popular modes of transportation in the latter part of this century!

That notwithstanding — still. Just. One. Entry.

So — I’m changing the rules around:

* I’m extending the deadline. Get those entries in by 11:59pm EDT on Friday, May 16. (That happens to be my brother’s birthday. And Liberace’s.) If you want to add to your previous entry, feel free. This will give more people a chance to play.

* I’m sweetening the pot. This is not a veiled reference to Woody Harrelson. In addition to the pocket kite I will send to the winner, I will also present, in a special vlogged entry, a rhyming poem using the winner’s name. Hell, I may even put it to music! I’ll even make it obscene and tasteless if you so desire.

Are we good now? Does this make you want to play? Please consider it and hop on over to here.

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There. Now that we have that settled, let’s talk about the list:

I’m a movie buff. I love all sorts of movies. Can’t get enough of them. Let’s face it: I’m good at sitting on my butt, eating popcorn and criticizing Charlie Sheen. What isn’t to love? And there are many movies - both critically acclaimed and commercial successes which I love. You may already know that I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. That I’m intrigued by anything with John Cusack. I even like some older films — Danny Kaye’s The Court Jester is one of my favorites.

Being a movie-watcher, however, has its shameful secrets. In fact, once I publish this list I expect I’ll be thrown out of the secret siblinghood that is made up of movie aficionados. You may be shocked and angered by the fact that I’ve watched movies like “Bio-Dome” and “Hudson Hawk” but have never viewed the films on this list. I apologize to no one. But yeah — I really should get around to watching some (not all) of these.

Here we go:

9. True Romance (1993)

(Link)

To be perfectly honest, I still don’t really know what this movie is about. What I do know is that a lot of my friends swear by this movie for some reason. Perhaps I should find out why…

8. The Second Star Wars Trilogy Which Is Really The First Trilogy Chronologically (1999-2005)

(link)

I remember seeing the first two of the original trilogy on video, and then was excited enough that I was able to see “Return of the Jedi” in the theater. And watching little Ewoks save the day and pretty much ruin the movie. The second trilogy? I just really never had enough interest. Give me Star Trek any day over Star Wars. That’s how my nerdy self rolls.

7. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

(link)

Look — I have nothing against this movie. In fact, it seems like a powerful one which brought Capra ahead of his time. But I don’t have to see it because every single television show has parodied this in some way. I have seen the ending of it where George Bailey goes ga-ga for Christmas. And some angel gets its wings because of a bell. Something like that.

Remember all of the hoopla when they decided to show a colorized version of the film? I was going to see it then. Now that it’s black and white again? Naah.

6. Rocky Horror Picture Show (In the theater)

(link)

I have no idea how I missed the hype in high school. I would have blamed it on being such a total nerd, but all of the total nerds were doning fishnets and going to the midnight showings also. Where was I? Your guess is as good as mine…

socKs, however, was one of those cool nerds who would go and go often. And she had the book. The soundtrack. Even the VHS tape! So, one night in December of 2000 when she was out of town, I decided to join the masses and buy a DVD player. With it I rented one DVD (Fight Club) and bought one DVD (Rocky Horror). I even watched it a bit with the audience commentary. (Asshole!) I may have been too sober or too alone to enjoy it. But I still know all the words to the Time Warp. (Thanks, high school dances!)

5. Monster’s Ball (2001)

(link)

This looks like a really good movie with a stellar cast. The story is powerful. The dialogue — amazing. It was a critical hit which produced Oscars.

So — what haven’t I watched it? Six words: I. Can’t. Fucking. Stand. Halle. Berry.

Don’t get me wrong — she may be beautiful. She may even have talent. But if she and I were at the same dinner table I’d likely stab myself in the neck with a fork. Some things just aren’t meant to be…

4. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-2003)

(link)

I have the same desire to see the Star Wars Prequel trilogy as I do the Middle Earth trilogy. Which is none at all. I’ve heard that these are some of the best works of cinematographic art ever. But I’ve never been into the Tolkien books. In fact, I remember being in fourth grade and seeing a filmstrip version of “The Hobbit” where the tape recorder made everything sound so distorted that I couldn’t follow it. And the filmstrip projector was out of focus.

Want to know how I feel about Lord of the Rings? See the clip above. That’s how the movies would all sound to me…

3. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

(link)

(The link above is to “Saving Ryan’s Privates.” Which has embedding disabled on YouTube.)

Apparently this is a film that changes lives. Yet it has Tom Sizemore in a sad, serious role. That just makes my head hurt.

2. The Godfather and The Godfather: Part II (1972-1974)

(link)

This one will enrage people. I know I should watch these two films. I understand that. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. Please don’t break my legs.

(For what it’s worth, I think I deserve some merit for not having watched Part III either…)

1. Billy Madison

(link)

I’m not a huge Adam Sandler fan. But I’ve watched “Happy Gilmore” and “Big Daddy” and even “Little Nicky” and thought they were cute. But apparently this is the first one where Adam Sandler’s one single character emerges. This is the legendary one. This movie and I have history — I’ve tried to watch it three times — and each time something pressing came up and I had to stop watching in the first few minutes.

Someday…

Okay — which films are on your lists?

Ooo! I’m too cool for embedded video! I want the link to the YouTube page!

A lot of folks have been blogging about Mother’s Day today — and I’ve been reading some wonderful accounts on blogs and on Twitter about the thoughts and the actions which are occurring. It’s also nice to see pictures from the present and past as people honor their moms.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter today, you may have noticed that today is a tough day for me. as I’m still getting used to life without my mom. Something very cathartic happened earlier today which found me really having strong emotions about the day and my mom’s memory. Transcribing these emotions in words felt too limiting, so I decided to push myself against my comfort zone and try vlogging instead.

I apologize for the poor lighting and sound quality — I just wasn’t willing to re-record this. The pictures I show towards the end are quite blurry; I’ll take a still shot and post it to the end of this blog a little later.

Thanks to all of you who have been so supportive of me today. You have no idea how much it means to me.

And I assure you that I’ll be more upbeat and funny-looking in my posts for the rest of the week. Pinky swear…

EDIT: Since they didn’t come out so well on video, here are the pictures on that wall…

This is my parents and Av — taken towards the end of 2004. He was two months shy of turning two.

This is a picture of my mom (left) and socKs’s mom (right) taken at our wedding reception. Both of them had a great time.  And both socKs and I have been very fortunate to have wonderful relationships with our respective mothers-in-law.

These are the Beatles.

Why a repeat post?

Well, I’ll be totally honest: since TequilaCon ‘08, the traffic on my blog has gone through the roof. Thank you all for reading and commenting. And I apologize for taking a long time to get back to you all in the comments, but I assure you that I will continue to respond to all of your responses.

Anyway — a few weeks back I talked about the rotating headers which adorn the top of my blog. Many of them come from my obsession with Google Maps, Google Earth and Microsoft Live Maps, which I use to find all sorts of landmarks.

Let’s see if you can guess where each of these locations are…

(Yes. Some are obvious; some are not as obvious. Be as detailed as you can. Winner gets due praise on my blog.)

The reason I’m reposting this is because I had zero entry submissions last time. Zilch. I’m guessing that this was the case for two reasons: I didn’t have very many readers to start with, and I didn’t offer a flashy prize to the person who could guess the locations of the most pictures. Now I have more readers.

And a prize.

Yes — up for grabs this time is a Mighty Kite mini-kite! This is a small kite that will fit in a handbag, comes with forty yards of line, and is pre-assembled. Fun little toy, You can read more about it at Woot, the place where I picked up a few of these: Mighty Kite mini-kite. *NEW!* I’m sweetening the pot by writing a poem for the winner which I will recite while vlogging. See my latest “List on the 3s” for more details.

HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Instead of posting your answers to the reply section of the blog, go ahead and email me no later than Tuesday, May 13 Friday, May 16 at 11:59pm EDT with your answers to: contest @ Shiny’s Takeout dot com (without the spaces and punctuation, of course). I’ll tally results and post the answers on Wednesday — as well as identify the winner with the most correct identifications. (If there is a tie, I will pick randomly among the folks at the top.)

Ready, all? Here we go! (Oh — and click on each to enlarge)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

I have about fifteen more. Let me know if this is interesting enough to do again…

A good friend and I were talking about mix tapes over the past two days. The level of conversation was actually escalated to the point where I told (threatened?) her that I would make her a mix tape — not a CD, a playlist, a pre-loaded iPod or an SD card. A cassette tape with about 90 minutes of music on it.

Of course, this was seen as problematic. Not because it would have been considered a slap in the face to technological advancement. Nope. It was more along the lines of her not having anything to play the tape on in her home. I guess she got rid of the Sony Sports boombox in obnoxious yellow. (Yes — we have one.) Or, perhaps, she hocked her “auto-dub” double cassette stereo system years ago at a yard sale, not considering the future magic that would be Shiny’s mad cassette mixing skillz. So it looks like we’ll have to settle for a mix-CD instead.

But it got me thinking: where are my mix tapes? Back in high school and college I considered myself, in very modest terms, mix-master Shiny. Where other kids my age were excelling at organized sports, academic achievement and getting girls, I would reign supreme over the home stereo system, learning exactly where to cue up the right track. I was the prince of the pause button. The Duke of Dolby B. Lord of the cassette inserts I would print out to make everything look professional.

In the summer of 1992, I spent time at my college buddy Roberto’s home — he had a setup with multiple CD players (!) and was able to let me do some of my own mixing and cross-fading. And I made a few choice mixes that summer. I was so impressed with myself.

Anyway — I found them in my closet. And decided to pull them out to see how they held up.

Notice the sleek Bookman font lettering on the laser-printed insert? The slick smoothness of the clear Fuji cassette shell? The sticker with the number 6 placed strategically between those two gear-shaped hole things? That’s professionalism, people. Here - let’s take a look at another viewpoint:

Not only that, but I decided it was time to dust off the mix tape and take it for a spin today. I wanted to see how it held up over time.

Yes, I drive a ten year-old car that has a cassette player in it. Our past few vehicles have undergone surgery to receive CD (and later, MP3-CD) players in them, but we later realized that it was probably more practical to keep the cassette player and buy an adapter for use with an MP3 player. Today I removed that cassette adapter and pushed in a real cassette tape. What would happen? Would all the tape unravel and gum up the in-dash system? Would I have to resort to listening to Kriss Kross make me “jump, jump” without a full dynamic range?

Surprisingly it wasn’t that bad! The tape was very muffled at that exposed portion where it had been stored in a dusty box for over a decade. But once I got past that portion, it actually sounded quite good! Well, good enough to blast and not notice a huge difference from the CDs or MP3 player fodder I was used to. (I will say, however, that I could discern no difference whether or not Dolby was turned on or off.)

So — I listened to it in its entirety! Over the duration of a commute to work and a commute home (during rush hour in the rain). Here’s the playlist for Shiny Happy Mix Tape: Volume VI:

Side A:

1. Thompson Twins - Revolution
2. A-Ha - Take on Me
3. Extreme - Play With Me
4. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - (some extended dance mix of) Two Tribes
5. Tears for Fears - Watch Me Bleed
6. Don Henley - Boys of Summer
7. Public Enemy - Fight the Power
8. Roxette - Joyride
9. Midnight Oil - When the Generals Talk
10. Joe Jackson - Steppin’ Out

Side B:

1. Nine Inch Nails - Head Like a Hole
2. Prince - Sign O’ The Times
3. Howard Jones - Life in One Day
4. Aerosmith - Love in an Elevator
5. The Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones - Kiss
6. ABC - Be Near Me
7. Yes - Survival
8. Kriss Kross - Jump
9. Concrete Blonde - Tomorrow Wendy

I generated quite a few thoughts listening to this compilation for the first time in at least ten years.:

* Again, the sound quality wasn’t too bad. Then again, my hearing isn’t what it once was, so that may be why I think so. I remember when CDs came out and I was so amazed by the brilliance of the music. Or maybe I just wanted to be dazzled. Why the hell am I talking about CDs anyway? Moving along…

* How did we survive with fast-forward / rewind at turtle-like speeds? Seriously — I wanted to skip through a track to see what was next. And that alone took me a minute and a half. It’s similar to being used to your TiVo and then suddenly going back to a VCR — and realizing that it takes 20 seconds to fast forward through a 30 second commercial. So, on the most part, I was stuck just listening. Even through…

* Yes songs really drag out for a long, long time. I used to be a huge Yes fan, seeing them in concert several times from high school through college and beyond. (I might even see the current lineup this summer.) And perhaps my ADHD has become even more fine-tuned, or now we’re living in more of an “on-demand” society, but their songs all seem to be too fuckin’ long. Don’t get me wrong — their songs are classics. Masterpieces. But they simply can’t be listened to during bumper-to-bumper traffic.

* My taste in cover songs has really changed. I used to love the Thompson Twins’ cover of the Beatles’ “Revolution.” And now? I think it’s a lame excuse for a track to hook people to buy their album. This was the same album with “Lay Your Hands On Me.” Why didn’t I put that on instead?

* I can’t think of the song “Take on Me” without imagining the awesome (for its time) video in my head. Self-explanatory.

* Early Extreme rocks big-time. We’re talking about before the “More than Words” era. The song I chose is on the “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” soundtrack. Excellent, indeed! The song really holds up, while…

* Early Tears for Fears tries too hard to be The Cure. Or the other way around. But it’s pre-goth goth. The song I chose, “Watch Me Bleed,” is on an album called “The Hurting.” Then again — one of the other tracks is the original version of “Mad World” before it was covered for that Donnie Darko movie.

* Damn, the Cold War was kind of unnerving at one time, wasn’t it? The Frankie Goes to Hollywood song had little sound clips from fallout drill recordings. I was too young to remember most of that, but I do remember the video with Reagan and Andropov (I think?) impersonators beating the shit out of each other in a boxing ring. Oh — and there’s also Reagan impersonations in this version of the song. Remember when everyone was doing the Reagan voice? That could have made me millions in a different era…

* Midnight Oil was more politically aware than Bono ever was. The scary-looking bald dude even got a seat in Parliament! I wish they were recording more…

* Remember when we thought that Concrete Blonde was bad-ass because they had that strong-sounding woman lead singer? Now — just not so much. Sorry…

* Howard Jones should go on tour. I saw him on “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” a performance show which has has-been singers singing the hits of today as covers. I forgot which one he did, but he was stylin’. He looked really old, though. But in his defense — he is.

* Love In an Elevator is really quite a brilliant song when you think about it. The musical composition of it combined with the orchestral blends and vocal harmonies make it quite exceptional.

This is really a great mix-tape. I might give it away as a prize or something for a future contest…

So — anyone else have any mix-tapes from yesteryear? What songs were on it?

Tonight we celebrated socKs’s birthday — at the Cheesecake Factory!  ’twas fun.

Spoons on noses! A great way to pass time while waiting for one’s meal! (And even more fun when you take the spoons off of other people’s tables…)

Birthday cheesecake! Chocolate peanut butter cookie dough.  Leftovers still in fridge. Film at 11.

In honor of her birthday, socKs decided on a meme she wants everyone to participate with,  So, here we go:

(1) What is your birthday greeting for socKs?

(2) What is your full name?

(3) What is your social security number?

Here — I’ll go first:

(1) “Happy birthday! We love you lots…”

(2) J. Michael Shinzyczki

(3) 543-97-8426

Folks, I’m completely beat. My attention span is totally whacked off. I’m sorry it’s so long and going everywhere, and I’ll likely fall asleep two minutes after I finish.

(everyone in unison now… that’s what sh…)

Today was a regular Monday. Just like any other Monday.* Work was extraordinarily ordinary. I did, however, have Twitter up and was periodically checking replies to this blog. (I apologize for not responding to everyone yet; I promise I’ll get to you in the next few days.) I talked to a bunch of awesome folks with whom I had spent this weekend.

I checked the Wordpress stats for my blog. My readership for today was three times higher than my previous high. And that was when I posted my list of guys I would go gay for. Wow. Thank you all for dropping by. I’m sure that the numbers will drop substantially, but I hope some of you stick around, pick up my feed, and comment. And I’ll do the same with my new found TC friends.

I did notice that a sizable portion of my visitors came from one specific blog — one called Uppercase Woman. The blog is authored by a fellow participant of this year’s TequilaCon, Cecily, with whom I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking for quite a while. It was quite nice - Tattoos were being administered and tater tots were being shared. Cecily stated on her blog that I look younger than 36 — which means that my trusty Clairol “Just for Men” was working just fine. Thank you, Cecily. I haven’t had time to respond to your latest blog entry, but I will do so tomorrow. You covered quite a bit (as did those who replied), and I want to make sure my reply is comprehensive.

I do want to touch upon an experience she wrote about which I shared. Something which is quite personal, in fact. Something which I’m guessing we have in common with other bloggers — including but not exclusive to those attending TequilaCon or BlogHer or many of the other face-to-face gatherings out there.

As much as I like to spin it otherwise, I’m an introvert. In person I’m shy — painfully so at times.

Part of it, I guess, is that I have a fear of being socially aloof. I don’t want to be the guy who brings a conversation to a screeching halt for some reason. Or who makes creepy eye contact. Or breaks eye contact inappropriately. Or stays with a conversation just a bit too long. Or tags along with one person too excessively. I don’t want to be the guy people talk about in whispers once he leaves the area.

I can’t imagine I’m the only one in our community who gets self-conscious like this. It doesn’t happen when I blog, nor does it occur when I’m participating on a BlogTalkRadio show. Perhaps it’s because what I portray there is a more scripted version of myself. I don’t have to worry about longer periods of silence. Or being distracted by something else when my ADHD kicks in. In person I often cover by joking around — which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.

But more often than not, I’ll retreat into silence. I don’t want to be the guy who says something wrong — so I simply won’t say anything. Oh — and I can be terrible with names. I never want to get someone’s name wrong, and I so often miss that window where I have license to ask the person what his/her name is.

(Afterthought: I was thinking about this a bit more — I have had a history of trouble with hearing at times. That’s a post in itself — especially since my Dad has had sever hearing loss for as far back as I can remember. But it makes it difficult not only to hear parts of certain conversations, but also to filter out extraneous conversations, noises and Bon Jovi songs.)

This weekend was an experiment for me — one where I would be forced to break out of the shell. I came not knowing anyone aside from those with whom I had conversed online for, perhaps, a month at most. A room
full of people, a few of whom I was really looking forward to meet. But what would happen next? What would I say after the first two minutes of conversation?

Don’t get me wrong — I was really excited about this weekend, and was looking forward to it immensely. But I was also quite scared and nervous.

But I think I did okay.

In fact, I think I did more than okay. I think I was a rock star.

Now — that might sound pretentious. But keep in mind where I was coming from. I really have trouble schmoozing people in social situations. It’s tough when the music is loud. And when you don’t know anyone. And you don’t know if there’s a proper in into conversations. And when you feel like everyone else knows everyone else. And when you arrive, like I did, on your own. I was thankful for a few things that were able to help out, such as lanyards/nametags.

But I suppose it was the friendliness and openness of everyone there that made me feel okay about just joining people in conversation. Perhaps it was the potential “out” of being able to cut all ties and never see anyone again if I really made that much of an ass of myself. But I did it. I actually did it. I introduced myself to at least half of everybody there. And it was rewarding. I was able to meet a whole bunch of great people.

This was not easy for me.

Thank you all for being accepting of who I am. And for making what was potentially a frightening situation one something special. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one there with wacky social hangups who felt at home with a bunch of bloggers.

We now return you to the obnoxious, mean-spirited, callous Shiny already in progress…

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* from a very cool song called “Regular Daydreams” by Peter Himmelman. Very cool song. In fact, here:

Direct link to YouTube for all you cool RSS cats…

I now realize that I use “absolutely” as a crutch word far too much…

It’s May 3! Yes, a three! And although this will likely be a busy day, I still have an obligation to write my list. For those of you unfamiliar, a list pops out of me like a parasitic alien from my abdomen whenever a date with a three rolls around. So far today I’ve woken up and given the kid a bath. I still need to pack, shower, shave, gas up the car and twitter my brains out before I head up to Philadelphia. So — without further delay:

Top 8 Things Not to Say at TequilaCon ‘08 (If I Want a Fighting Chance of Being welcome at TC ‘09)

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8. “Yeah! I’m the guy who’s following 50,000 people on Twitter. Have a problem with that?”

7. “Don’t you people have anything better to write about than yourselves?”

6. “You know — maybe next year we should try this at an alcohol-free venue…”

5. “Hey Avitable — you really haven’t tapped that Britt girl? What the hell’s the matter with you?”

4. “So — it’s a cartoon guy and a cartoon monkey. What the fuck’s supposed to be so cute about that?”

3. “Disney World? You’re going to Disney World with your family? with their track record on foreign manufacturing I think that’s a pretty selfish move on your part…”

2. “Battlestar Galactica? Booo-ringggggg….”

1. “So — when’s Dooce showing up? I’m pretty much here just to meet her…”